A local Boomer claiming to be a gardener has blown her cover today by accidentally referring to the green things in her garden as plants, instead of the correct technical term “plarnts”. In an attempt to impress her next door neighbour, Sylvia Harris, 70, a new arrival to Betoota West’s leafy Patrician Street, tried to engage in a gardening discussion but came unstuck when she mispronounced several technical words.   

“I knew something was up when she came out without a bucket hat” explained neighbour Paul Lartell. “I though here we go, another pretender. Sure enough, she starts talking about her “plants”. Turns out what she actually meant was plarnts; I was a bit confused for a while”.  

The faux pas didn’t end there either when Sylvia referred to her liquidamber tree as a “liquid amber” tree. Compounding her embarrassment, she later referred to the same tree as an “ow ow shit stupid asshole spiky ball tree” as she wasn’t wearing shoes at the time.  

“I thought I’d be polite and play along so I humoured her for a bit” recalled Lartell “but I might have let out a bit of a giggle when she started talking about setting up a “herb garden”. What the hell is a ‘herb garden’?. I soon realised what she meant was an ‘erb garden; you know, that you grow ‘erbs in”. 


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