CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Leading vaccine and immunology scientists from the Betoota’s University of Western Queensland campus have today made groundbreaking developments that could resolve the National Rugby League’s newest pre-kick-off hurdle.
The breakthrough research has seen a new variation of the common flu shot, which could be administered to vaccination skeptic footballers in a way that they a more familiar and comfortable with.
This comes as ARL commissioner Peter V’Landys continues to jump through hoops to re-started the rugby league season amidst the 2020 Coronavirus pandemic. This week, his newest hurdles comes in the shape of a small list of ungrateful players who claim to be smarter than 99.9% of medical professionals, and are reportedly avoiding their flu shots at the insistence of their anti-vaxxer wives.
While the general public can’t possibly imagine that these NRL players would jeopardise 80% of their own income and risk the possible collapse of the entire competition over some bullshit articles written by bored Byron mums, their opposition to receiving a common flu shot has been put down to a fear of needles.
However, today’s discovery in the Betoota science labs appears to have provided an alternative option for these players who are apparently worried about ‘putting things into their body’.
The new NRL-friendly flu shot will allow footballers to rack up the immunisation in powdered form off an iPhone screen.
Professor Julian Gower is the leading researcher for the University Of Western Queensland’s snortable vaccine programme. He says this new version of the flu shot should help NRL players through the uneasy process of taking part in the most succesful achievement of medical science since the invention of soap.
“Unlike the AFL, a lot of rugby league players are nervous about needles” said Dr Gower.
“When you pair that fear with a bored and talentless trophy wife, you end up with anti-vaxxer conspiracies.”
“This new variation of the flu shot should ease NRL players into randomly hoovering whatever is lined up on an iPhone in front of them”
“We would recommend racking up this flu shot at a strip club after a big day on the Pineapple Cruisers”