ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

According to a local survey conducted earlier this week, The Nationals are a spent political force. By and large, their systematic neglect of our district’s primary producers, small businesses and workers have left many voters wondering why in blue fuck they still vote for them.

The Nationals, in recent years, have put the interests of big tax-dodging businesses that pilfer and plunder mineral and primary resources in the bush ahead of everything else. Ahead of everything except the Liberal Party.

One local cattle farmer, who asked to remain anonymous, told our reporter over the phone today that whoever said the meek will inherit the Earth was wrong, they’ll inherit the National Party leadership.

This afternoon, in a move that’s largely designed to undermine his own party, former Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce has broken party ranks to suggest that maybe his party should support actual real-life farmers. Owner-operators who spend money locally. Not the faceless corporations that donate to the party.

In particular, Mr Joyce said his party should work toward tearing up the Murray-Darling Agreement so farmers in New South Wales and suck up the precious little water Queensland let trickle down into the ecosystem.

“We risk alienating the people who put us into power,” said Joyce.

“Not that it matters. Who are they going to vote for instead of us? The Shooters? One Nation? Maybe, but they’ll never get enough votes to kick us out,”

“But in saying that, I don’t think we should be neglecting farmers like we have been doing recently. It’s bad praxis. Is that the correct use of the word? I heard Stephen Fry use it on QI last night. Anyway, you get what I’m staying.”

Mr Joyce’s words risk destabilising an already unstable party. Not that anybody cares.

With leader Michael McCormack floundering in the gulf just north of Weipa, like a Belgian backpacker on a boogie board who thought the crocodile warning sign didn’t apply to him, it’s only a matter of time at this rate.

The Advocate reached out to Mr Joyce’s office for comment but was told by his new media pigeon that he was still off us, big time.

In addition to that, no other officeholder for the Nationals who was BBC’d in that email have responded at this point in time.

More to come.


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