Local bloke Ryan Hayes was one of the lucky few who were able to squeeze in a holiday before the virus hit – a point of which he’s been able to slot into almost every conversation.

It’s alleged the thirty-year-old had spent a couple of weeks exploring Paris when his trip was subsequently cut short. Though he’d been largely disappointed with his visit to the city of lights, citing the public transport and customer service as ‘beyond abysmal’, he’s had to keep up appearances lest he actually reveal he spent the great portion of his holiday glumly eating overpriced croissants at the bus shelter.

Rather than adopt the curt nature of the locals, Ryan has instead taken back some of the annoying lingo he learned waiting behind Parisians in the local bakery – or in all honesty, the one time he watched The Great British Bake Off alone in his Airbnb.

However, it’s unlikely his local deli has any idea what he’s talking about, given it’s run by an ex-army jerk called Darryl, who’s never ventured further than the NSW border let alone another country.

“One quasson please.”

“A what?”

“A quasson please.”

“English mate.”



Muttering something along the lines of ‘uncultured swine’, Ryan admits defeat and glumly points at a small, stale croissant before taking his white paper baggie and leaving.

More to come.


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