FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact
Confusion was afoot in Betoota’s East Side Stationary District this morning when noted Stationers T. E. Grimstone & Sons (est. 1927) announced a moving sale would be held prior to their relocation to smaller premises nearby.
“This is bullshit, is the store moving? Or is the store stationary and the sale is moving?” asked small business owner Keith Cummins, 54.
“Is the sale ‘moving’ on an emotional or purely physical level? Will the sale stop moving long enough for people to go inside and buy stuff? I shouldn’t have to put up with this level of confusion to get a 50 pack of manila folders”.
Owner James Grimstone, 35, said Keith and any other confused customers are either over-complicating what should be a simple issue, or are simply dickheads.
“I’m not sure why it’s so hard to understand. We are moving to a new premises so we are having a sale on moving items; items which aren’t stationary when you use them. A Stapler moves, so it’s 20% off. A Ring Binder moves too, so it’s also 20% off. A filing cabinet is stationary so it’s not on sale. The files in the filing cabinet are no longer stationary when you open the drawers, so they are 20% off. A sticky tape dispenser doesn’t move, so it’s not on sale. Actually I suppose the spindle that the tape goes on isn’t stationary when you use the sticky tape, so the spindle is on sale. Or it would be if it was available separately, which it isn’t. I suppose the entire sticky tape dispenser is half on sale, so overall it’s 10% off. Maybe I should change the sign a bit to make it a bit more clearer”.
James was unavailable for further comment as he found the entire process of leaving the store his Great Great Grandfather built over 90 years ago so moving he was forced to leave 20% earlier than normal.