ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
God has thrown retail mogul Gerry Harvey a lifeline today and offered him a new brain on terms he cannot afford to pass up.
Mr Harvey, who over the past year or so has made headlines by doing and saying things that make him look foolish and old, was been offered no deposit and 48 months interest free on a brand new brain.
The new brain should see Gerry stop saying things that make him seem extremely out-of-touch. God also hopes Gerry’s new brain will help him be more benevolent toward his fellow man, a change from his current one.
Gerry’s current brain is motivated only to sell televisions and comically-overpriced homewares such as special leather couches for incontinent boomers and distasteful rugs that’d blind even the sharp-eyed Steve Smith.
This is so because Gerry has an expensive hobby, which is paying vast sums of money for slow horses that do nothing except run fifth and shit hay out on the ground.
The Advocate reached out to Mr Harvey for comment but couldn’t get passed his butler, who said Gerry doesn’t talk to strangers unless there’s something in it for him.
God was also unavailable for comment but released a short statement confirming the deal but it was for a limited time only.
More to come.
