ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Victorian man, who surprisingly doesn’t have the Hubei spicy lung, has told reporters in Canberra this morning that he can’t see how giving mothers the chance to re-enter the workforce with help via free childcare could help drag the economy out of the shitter.

Treasurer Josh Frydenberg knows women with infant children make up a significant percentage of the workforce and at this current moment, they’re either working to pay for childcare or simply staying at home to keep the thing occupied.

He knows the childcare industry is a filthy quagmire made up of anal fissures masquerading as humans who refer to themselves in the third person as ‘childcare operators’ – who charge up to $200 a day to entertain your child while it soils itself and sleeps.

Which is probably why he doesn’t want to handball them billions of dollars each year.

Nevertheless, Josh Frydenberg doesn’t understand how getting these women out of the home and into the workforce, buying sushi lunches and pay tax, might help the economy.

Speaking to The Advocate today, JoFry said it’d be a better idea for people like our reporters to leave the politics to politicians like him.

“We’ve crunched the numbers and it’s better for people to pay for their own childcare,” he said.

“In a perfect world, we’d nationalise childcare like we do schools and hospitals. Or we’d mandate a maximum amount childcare operators can charge. You shouldn’t be driving a Porsche if you’re a childcare operator. You should have a car normal people drive like an ex-cab gas-powered BA Falcon with 740 000 clicks on the clock,”

“Or maybe you might have one of those bright-coloured Subaru wagons than personal trainers drive to inject a bit of colour into their beige existence. It’s not important. What’s important is that free childcare is a socialist policy and we’re a capitalist government. I can’t believe people blow up at our policies without taking that into account. If you don’t like it, fucking vote us out. It’s not that hard.”

More to come.


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