ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
The City of Melbourne has brokered a deal with the Andrews Government this morning that will allow their parking inspectors to still operate under an eventual Stage 14 lockdown.
Lord Mayor Sally Capp explained to The Advocate this morning that revenue from parking tickets go toward important projects like art installations and salaries.
“Most of the Council’s upper executive have kids to put through Timbertop,” she said.
“Which isn’t cheap. We also have the responsibility of keeping Melbourne beautiful, which also isn’t cheap. We buy sculptures which would blind the eagled-eyed Ricky Ponting. I hope that helps you understand why we need our fabulous team of parking inspectors to keep working, forever.”
Just what a Stage 14 lockdown looks like is unknown at this point.
Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews hinted at the possibility that only police wearing a full diving suit would be allowed out.
Visits to sexual partners would also be allowed to continue although the government would need to see an orgasm receipt upon request. The receipt must be signed by both parties and be witnessed by a JP.
Dogs would also be allowed to be walked but only if they’re a real dog and not something fucked like a French Bulldog or Boston Terrier.
But one thing for certain is that the future of Melbourne will be littered with parking inspectors.
More to come.