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The Betoota Advocate

PM Descends Into A Full Blown Jolly Swagman To Distract From New Allegations Against Staffer

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    Yesterday it was an Australian flag mask and a womens hockey jersey with ‘SCOMO’ written across the back of it.

    Today, he’s gone up a notch.

    Scott Morrison has finally fronted a press conference in front of a selected handful of sympathetic Murdoch journalists, to talk about anything other than the fact that it looks like his government did nothing in response to the actions of an alleged serial rapist who spent many years protected within the inner circle boys club of the Liberal Party elite.

    This comes as a fourth woman has made an allegation about the man at the centre of what is currently Australia’s biggest political scandal — the alleged rape of a former staffer inside a Minister’s Office in Parliament House.

    Prime Minister Scott Morrison apologised for the way the matter was handled, and said he had asked his staff what they knew about the incident.

    But it’s been days since the Prime Minister’s office took questions from the media, as the government struggles to come to terms with the fact that it’s hard to flush out the news cycle when Facebook has turned off the news.

    No amount of tennis coverage or NRL opening matches have been able to distract from the fact that the Liberal Party’s alleged rapist issue has since turned into an alleged serial rapist issue.

    Even the roll-out of the vaccine has struggled to make a dent on the ever-growing sexual assault scandals currently rocking the Prime Minister’s office.

    In response to this pressure-cooker developing story, Scotty From Marketing has had no option but to do what he does best in a crisis, and up the marketing.

    Standing outside Parliament House dressed head to toe in full blown Jolly Swagman cosplay, the PM has today given a rusty accapella rendition of Waltzing Matilda – in an apparent effort to encourage Australians to take this vaccine that his own backbenchers keep undermining on social media.

    With 40 Australia flag pins and polyester Australian flag tie, Morrison altered the iconic lyrics to “Who’ll take the Pfizer vaccine with me”

    “And he sang as he watched and waited ’til his billy boiled, who’ll take the Pfzier vaccine with meeeeeeeeeee”

    The Prime Minister’s rather kitsch performance received a polite applause from the journalists in attendance, before he immediately ended the press conference to avoid being asked any questions about the fourth accusation.

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      Clancy Overell

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