ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Prime Minister took time out of his busy morning to speak exclusively to The Advocate, where he tried to put a number of anxieties facing young people to bed.

Scott Morrison explained that this COVID-19-induced recession has largely destroyed any real growth or opportunities for lower-middle-class and working-class Australians to realise their hopes and dreams.

Which is OK, he says, because it becomes easier to accept that people aged under 30 are going to spend their entire working lives in austerity when they understand that they were fucked even before this whole thing happened.

“The sooner young people understand that they’re completely and utterly fucked in life, the happier they’ll be. Simple as that,” he said.

“Why let yourself toss and turn each night worrying about how your life is going to be significantly worse than your parent’s life was? It’s just silly. Like, I’m not saying you should get depressed about it. If life has got you down, ring Lifeline and talk to someone. Or talk to a mate. Right,”

“What I’m saying is that you should just take how fucked your circumstances are with a bit of humour. Things could be worse, you could be living in Africa or Rohingyastan [sic]. So what you’ll be underemployed living in a peaceful country with nice things like beaches and forests. As long as you’re not disabled or poor, just cheer up a bit. If you’re both of those things, then try to find some humour in that, too,”

“It’s part of the Aussie spirit to always be positive. Think of the swashbuckling pioneers of the Aussie girt, like Barry McKenzie and Crocodile Dundee. How would Mick Dundee handle a recession? Would he put his hair in a ponytail and work in a cafe? No! He’d find work out bush because he’s not above that. So I’m asking the young people of Australia to just take this whole thing in their stride.”

More to come.


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