ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
Australia’s peak scientific body has revealed this morning that a link exists between the thickness of the stripes on a bloke’s striped button up shirt to how far west he’s from.
The CSIRO say they worked tirelessly for close to a week over the Christmas break to survey a number of western division residents, where they queried them over the town clothes and thickness the stripe.
The study’s lead researched, Professor Gavin Doink, spoke briefly to the media this morning in Canberra.
“From Cloncurry to Julia Creek and down to Longreach and the Far West, we found that nearly all the males who lived remotely in those areas as either bovine retrieval specialists or owners of the said bovines, all owned a striped button down with a comically-thick stripe,” he said.
“Same too can be said of New South Wales. From Bourke down the Darling to the Far West of the state, the stripe thickness was enormous. We asked a few Victorians but the term ‘Country Victoria’ is an oxymoron because there’s no such thing as Country Victoria. It’s all just outer suburbs of Melbourne,”
“We also uncovered some evidence to suggest that those wild button ups with different colours and stripe-weights are generally restricted to the Top End. You can’t not be in a stock camp and own a shirt as ugly as that.”
The study will be released in full this afternoon and is available through the CSIRO’s website or from The Advocate’s Daroo Street offices.
More to come.