FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact

The relationship between China and Australia is at an all time low today as Beijing has threatened in a tersely-worded statement that if relations do not improve, China will immediately cease purchasing Australian companies, houses, resources and vast swathes of prime Australian agricultural land.

Chinese entities currently own (or have 99 year leases on) the Port of Darwin, an airport in WA, a few coal mines and wind farms, 732 gigalitres (2%) of Australia’s fresh water supply and 9 million hectares of farmland, which represents 2.3% of Autstralia’s agricultural land. 5% of Australian houses are owned by foreign nationals and one third of residential development sites in Australia are sold to Chinese companies alone.

In comparison, China does not allow foreign investors to purchase land in China.

“We’ll do it!” said a spokesminion from China’s Ministry of Commerce “We’ll say come on chaps, head home, our money’s not welcome in Australia. I guess they think they can run their own country without us. Good luck!”.  

Following the statement, most Australian politicians were in damage control as they desperately tried to keep the money rolling in to make all the balance sheets look pretty for the next election.

No members of the Australian public were available for comment as they were all online, trying to insult as many Communist Party of China officials as possible.


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