LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact
Betoota Heights resident Naomi Wells (24) is feeling a bit on edge today as she deals with an overwhelming sense that the meaningless suffering in the world she lives in is matched only by her own futility to influence positive change before she is inevitably dead and forgotten.
Seeking refuge in a prized indoor seat at a local cafe, Wells considered whether her anxieties were the result of the palpable collapse of western civilisation or the fact she just finished her second cup of coffee for the day.
“I mean, I posted the black tile but then I read you’re not supposed to so I deleted it and my friend messaged me asking why I deleted it and I didn’t know what to say because I had so many more unread messages so I tried doing some work until the boss wanted to chat urgently and now I’m worried I’m getting sick, that life is pointless and I can’t do anything right,” stated Wells.
“I should never have had that second coffee and The UK should never have voted to leave the EU!”
Caffeine is consumed by 79% of Australian’s every day, usually in the form of a cup of coffee which provides people with an energy boost that lasts for 1/999999999th of the time the disposable plastic lid will remain on Earth.
The benefits of consuming more than one coffee in a single morning include nervous energy, shortness of breath and the overbearing sense of dread akin to watching hundreds of national healthcare systems buckle under the pressure of a deadly global pandemic.
MORE TO COME.