One of Australia’s last bastions of free speech has today been rocked by claims of hurt feelings, after Paul Murray filed a formal complaint with the Sky News human resources department.

The 42-year-old class traitor is believed to have finally ‘snapped’ after 11 months of ‘merciless banter’ at the hands of the unpaid interns that work tirelessly to keep his TV programme on-air for the 70,000 people that watch it nationwide.

Murdoch media insiders can reveal to the Advocate that Paul Murray has taken issue with his subordinates referring to him as ‘ALDI Alan’ in reference to iconic talkback broadcaster Alan Jones, who is the host of a much more popular programme on the same network.

The ‘ALDI’ is in reference to the German-owned discount supermarket, which sells the same shit as Woolworths and Coles, just at a cheaper price and lower quality.

Ever since Alan Jones hung up his gloves at 2GB radio in May last year, his television programme has become the number one priority for Sky News. This has resulted in far less people fussing over Paul Murray, who has worked tirelessly to emulate the career of Jones – but has struggled to do so due to his inability to criticise any politician that isn’t female and the fact that he doesn’t know shit about sport.

The Murdoch Machine’s decision to dedicate all of their resources to Jones and Peta Credlin appears to have left Paul Murray feeling as ‘expendable’ as he was when he was trying to compete with Alan on radio.

The populist shiraz conservative has tried and failed over five times to land himself a 2GB-style talkback gig on radio, but had never been able to connect with the grey army quite as well as Alan.

On TV, he had experienced a brief resurgence in popularity over the 18 months prior to Alan Jones becoming their flagship panel talent – after Rupert Murdoch managed to get Sky News syndicated onto free-to-air in all of those same electorates that magically swung last Federal Election.

However, his ‘ressurgence in popularity’ still only meant he was broadcasting to an audience about the same size as Mackay.

Murray’s HR complaint reveals that he is now more self-conscious over his role as a fourth-string Sky News host then ever before, after spectacularly misreading the voter sentiment throughout the pandemic.

His constant attacks on the Queensland Premier and the ABC have shown that not only does Paul Murray have no idea what he’s talking about, but all of his recent attempts at political vilification have actually resulted his targets experiencing an increase in popularity amongst voters.



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