ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A Betoota Heights man, who at the age of 29, decided a year living in London would cure his existential problems has admitted for the first time this morning that things haven’t really gone to plan.
Oscar Hargraves, of Riverridge Circuit in our town’s leafy north, said that many other young Australian men and women approaching 30 who feel lost and dissatisfied with life find themselves in London.
For the most part, he says, things were going well. He spoke to The Advocate today via WhatsApp.
“I found a great job as soon as I landed, really,” he said.
“Started hanging out with a really good group of other Australians. We really got into cocaine there for a while. There more you do here, the more you save. The dealers are on foot, it’s so funny. London is so small, yet so big!”
“Anyway, as you probably read this morning, things have really gone up a notch here. The entire country is locked down. The weather is still pretty shithouse. The cops stop me when I’m just nipping down to Tescos to buy a sandwich and a Fanta. That’s another thing about England. The food is shithouse. I can’t believe you can be over 40 in this country and not have colon cancer, I swear to Christ!”
“But yeah, mate. Wish me luck.”
A support group for young Australian men in the British capital, The Lost Boys Of London, says Mr Hargraves’ experience is common among others.
A spokesperson from the group told The Advocate that young Australians need to largely cop this all on the chin and admit to themselves that while things are bad now, it’ll soon be over.
“We urge people to think about the good times,” said the spokesperson via telephone.
“Try to remember what the ocean smells like. The noise that all the birds make. The chirping galahs of the red loam country. The moan of an inner-city ibis. The playful giggle those weird pigeons with the mohawks make when you scare them into flying away. The 16-year-old’s first-time-drunk-on-white-wine dry wretch that crows make. Remember that joyous coo that our pigeons make. And whatever the fuck that noise magpies make,”
“And also remember that Australia is also going through a tough time.”
More to come.